He kissed a someone with a penis
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
