hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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