It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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