are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
