I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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