i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
