First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
