I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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