she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
