9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
