I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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