i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
