WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
