I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
