he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
