She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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