I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
