I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
