i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
