Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
