This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.