I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out