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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  this medicine is soooo good.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  He was uncircumcised

  (480): View more from Arizona

  It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard

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• (728): View more from

  and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.

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