Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
