fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days