I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.