he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
