The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.