i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.