I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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