my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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