I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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