You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
