i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's blow job season.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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