1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
