I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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