They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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