Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
