yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
