I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
