To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
