I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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