She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
