It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
