hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
