we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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