So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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