So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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