god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
