The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
