So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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