What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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