Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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