remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
