I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
