I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
