i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
