Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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