I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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