First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
