Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
