I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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