I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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