Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
