I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this boner is exhausting
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize