every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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