There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
