Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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