Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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