I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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