You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just want nice things and good sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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