I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so let's talk penis.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
