I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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