The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
