Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize